{"id":1005,"date":"2015-05-12T08:43:34","date_gmt":"2015-05-12T13:43:34","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.spanking-news.com\/?p=1005"},"modified":"2015-05-12T11:16:26","modified_gmt":"2015-05-12T16:16:26","slug":"do-we-know-all-about-this","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.spanking-news.com\/?p=1005","title":{"rendered":"Do we know all about this?"},"content":{"rendered":"

REPRINTED AND DOESN’T NOT REFLECT OUR VIEWS OR VALUES<\/strong> <\/em><\/p>\n

They say that what America does today we will do in 10 years but, well I think this is just a good old DS relationship by another name. Come clean guy don’t invoke the name of your God. ( No I am not including those who don’t want to join this arrangement or who are forced into it, that’s assault)!<\/em><\/p>\n

A growing number of married American couples are agreeing to allow husbands to keep their wives ‘in line’ by taking to corporal punishment.<\/p>\n

The trend is called Christian Domestic Discipline<\/strong> and much of what is known about the practice is published on the website Learning Domestic Discipline<\/a>, published by husband and wife CDD duo, Clint and Chelsea.<\/p>\n

The website states: ‘It is an arrangement between two adults who share the belief that the husband is the head of the household and with that position comes the right to enforce his authority.’<\/p>\n

Clint and Chelsea have also written a 50-page packet on the practice called Beginning Domestic Discipline<\/a>.<\/p>\n

In the packet they describe CDD as a \u2018practice between two consenting life partners in which the head of household (HoH) takes the necessary measures to achieve a healthy relationship dynamic.\u2019<\/p>\n

That translates to all methods of punishment, not exclusive to spanking. Clint and Chelsea advocate lecturing, removing privileges, corner and bedroom time \u2013 essentially the ways most people discipline their children.<\/p>\n

For CDD enthusiasts, this type of punishment isn\u2019t sexual in nature. Vera (anonymous last name),\u00a0 who is in a CDD relationship with her husband told The Daily Beast<\/a> that the practice is in no-way sexual. ‘The pure CDD people don’t go there. A lot of folks think of Fifty Shades of Grey – but this is not that.\u2019 Spanking is clearly the bread and butter of this kind of relationship. Eighteen pages of the CDD manifesto are dedicated to spanking and how to properly go about administering spanks.<\/p>\n

What do you call it when a husband beats his wife with a paddle for disobeying him? Some would say domestic abuse. These people say he\u2019s doing God\u2019s work. By Brandy Zadrozny. On a pain scale of one to 10, Chelsea ranks the epidural-free birth of her child as a six. Her husband\u2019s spankings? Those are an eight.<\/p>\n

First, he uses his hands for \u201cwarm-up\u201d slaps. Then comes a combination of tools based on the specific infraction. The wooden spoon is the least severe; for the worst rule-breaking\u2014like texting while driving (\u201cIt could kill me,\u201d Chelsea admits) or moving money between accounts without his permission\u2014she\u2019ll be hit with something else: a hairbrush, a paddle, or a leather strap.<\/p>\n

But this isn\u2019t domestic abuse, Chelsea says. This is for Jesus<\/strong>.<\/p>\n

Chelsea and her husband Clint, belong to a small subculture of religious couples who practice \u201cChristian Domestic Discipline,\u201d a lifestyle that calls for a wife to be completely submissive to her husband. Referred to as CDD<\/strong> by its followers, the practice often includes spanking and other types corporal punishments administered by husbands\u2014and ostensibly ordained by God. While the private nature of the discipline makes it difficult to estimate the number of adherents, activity in several online forums suggests a figure in the low thousands. Devotees call CDD an alternative lifestyle and enthusiastically sing its praises; for critics, it\u2019s nothing but domestic abuse by another name.<\/p>\n

Clint was in the room while I talked to Chelsea. They do everything together, including running their blog, Learning DD<\/a>, which chronicles their exploration of domestic discipline. When Chelsea gets flummoxed by a question, she asks Clint for guidance in a voice so high-pitched that it belies her 28 years: \u201cHoney, how long does the spanking usually last?\u201d (About 5 minutes, Clint says.)<\/p>\n

He has left bruises, Chelsea says, but it\u2019s rare, and she attributes them to anaemia. You don\u2019t have to be a Christian to practice domestic discipline, although many of its practitioners say they believe that domestic discipline goes hand in hand with their faith. Specifics of the practice vary by couple, though CDDers all seem to follow a few basic principles<\/a>. Foremost, that the Bible commands a husband to be the head of the household, and the wife must submit to him,\u00a0in every way,\u00a0or face painful chastisement.<\/p>\n

When a wife breaks her husband\u2019s rules that can equal punishments which are often corporal but can also be \u201ccorner time\u201d; writing lines (think \u201cI will not disobey my master\u201d 1,000 times); losing a privilege like internet access; or being \u201chumbled\u201d by some sort of nude humiliation. Some practice \u201cmaintenance spanking,\u201d wherein good girls are slapped on a schedule to remind them who\u2019s boss; some don\u2019t. Some couples keep the lifestyle from their children; others, like CDD blogger Stormy<\/a>, don\u2019t. \u201cNot only does he spank me with no questions asked for disrespect or attitude in front of them, but I am also required to make an apology to each of them,\u201d she writes<\/p>\n

After discipline, many wives report being held and comforted. And on Internet message boards dedicated to the practice, couples emphatically advocate for the CDD way of life. As such, there\u2019s a temptation to file away domestic discipline into to the \u201cdifferent strokes for different folks\u201d category. But mental-health and abuse experts see a potential for danger.<\/p>\n

Jim Alsdurf, a forensic psychologist who evaluates and treats sexual psychopaths and is the author of a book<\/a> on abuse in Christian homes, says CDD isn\u2019t about religion\u2014it\u2019s an outlet for emotionally disturbed men with intimacy deficits.<\/p>\n

\u201cNo fool in his right mind would buy this as a legitimate way to have a relationship,\u201d Alsdurf says. \u201cA relationship that infantilizes a woman is one that clearly draws a more pathological group of people.\u201d<\/p>\n

For Alsdurf, though, CDD sounds less like an act of violence and more like of an act of distorted sexual arousal. \u201cIf people want to spank each other, go ahead,\u201d he says. \u201cThe problem of course, is if it\u2019s done in a controlling and a mildly abusive way.\u201d Like with all outer variables of sexual expression, he says, \u201cIf they\u2019re not done in a healthy way they can become about abuse and control.\u201d<\/p>\n

Others are less equivocal. \u201cIt\u2019s sick,\u201d says Wendy Dickson, who runs an emergency shelter for women and children fleeing abusive homes in Evanston, Illinois. Women who receive beatings in the name God, she says, are no different than the women she sees every day in her shelter. Domestic abuse, which one in four U.S. women (PDF<\/a>) will experience at some point in their lifetime, often conjures scenes of thundering rage, broken bones, and black eyes. But the most dangerous kind, Dickson says, is the emotional kind, because it keeps people trapped. \u201cThe definition of domestic abuse is power and control over another individual,\u201d she says.<\/p>\n

And as for women who seem content? Dickson says many of the abused women whom she helps also make excuses for staying in an unacceptable relationship. \u201cEveryone just wants to maintain and tell themselves this is what they want,\u201d she says.<\/p>\n

Perhaps for these reasons, CDDers are a private group. As they see it, they\u2019re fighting (and losing) a culture war against liberalism and feminism. There are no brick-and-mortar churches where adherents gather to pray and paddle. Instead, the ties that bind the community are formed in largely anonymous online communities.<\/p>\n

There are dozens of online meeting places. On Fetlife, the Christian Domestic Discipline group has more than 500 members. The private Yahoo group<\/a> boasts some 4,000 members. The topics on these forums range from the banal (\u201cHappy Flag Day, everybody!\u201d) to the political, such as a thread on whether Fox News anchor Megyn Kelly got it wrong on bread-winning moms<\/a>.\u00a0And then there are posts that are just plain disturbing: \u201cMy wife cries and writhes and begs me to stop during spankings, should I?\u201d<\/p>\n

Some women post questions about how best to convince their husbands<\/a> to begin disciplining them, or pen distressed<\/a> posts<\/a> when the punishments wane in number or intensity.<\/p>\n

Dig deeper, though, and you\u2019ll find women who seem to want out. They describe being scared and in physical and emotional pain. The responses range from suggestions to submit more fully and try harder to leaving the relationship.<\/p>\n

\u201cI wanted the spankings to stop and my husband told me it was either DD and marriage or divorce,\u201d one user named \u201cMichelle\u201d wrote on a popular domestic discipline blog. \u201cI chose divorce. I couldn\u2019t handle the pain of spankings anymore, emotionally or physically.\u201d Leah Kelley<\/a>, a CDD blogger and author of\u00a0\u201cspanking romance stories,\u201d\u00a0split from the man she had described as her \u201cknight in beat up armor,\u201d in 2010, citing her husband\u2019s \u201cdeep-seated mental issues,\u201d as the reason for the marriage\u2019s end.<\/p>\n

What seems to be the most obvious explanation for CDD, one acknowledged by some domestic discipline advocates not tied to the Christian church, is that the practice is a means to justify the fulfilment of a sexual fetish. On a CDD blog, \u201cSue\u201d writes<\/a>, \u201cBoy do I wish more of the women in DD would admit to this. It\u2019s a sexual fetish. There\u2019s nothing wrong with it, but they try to make it so much more than it is.\u201d<\/p>\n

But the moral constraints of the church make it difficult for couples to be honest about the sexual nature of their desire, says Paul Byerly, who with his wife runs The Marriage Bed<\/a>, a site dedicated to sexuality and religion. Byerly, who calls CDD a \u201cdistortion of what God intended<\/a>,\u201d believes that \u201cwomen,\u00a0particularly in the Christian church tend to be sexually repressed.\u201d Domestic discipline, he explains, could be \u201ca way around that\u201d\u2014a chance to explore sexual desires while still nominally acting in the name of Jesus.<\/p>\n

Still, CDDers themselves reject this pain-for-pleasure explanation. \u201cThe pure CDD people don\u2019t go there,\u201d\u00a0says Vera, who is both in a domestic discipline relationship as well as into sex play. \u201cA lot of folks think of\u00a0Fifty Shades of Grey<\/em>\u2014but this is not that,\u201d she says. Vera (not her real name), argues that abuse is all about intent. \u201cHe never punishes me when he\u2019s angry,\u201d she says of her partner. \u201cHe doesn\u2019t yell. The worst thing I can do is disappoint him and I do that when I act on one of my character defects.\u201d<\/p>\n

And do men have any of these defects? Who is there to correct them? \u201cHe\u2019s not perfect,\u201d Vera says, \u201cbut it\u2019s not my role to point that out. He self corrects.\u201d<\/p>\n

And as for what a man gets out of it, besides a woman who obeys his every command, Vera says her partner is satisfied by her growth. \u201cHe enjoys seeing the person he owns, his property, become the thing God wants her to be. It might sound weird, but that works for me.<\/p>\n

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